On the demise of Manchester United…


David MoyesChester, a Man I have known for 20 years, has let just about everybody he has ever laid eyes on know that he is better than them. It’s not that he is arrogant, it’s just that everything has always seemed to pan out for  him.

All those things you wanted for your birthday? Not only did he get them, but he got everything until the shop sold out. Your job? Chester’s was better. In fact, according to him, everybody wants to work for Chester. You got a pay rise? Not bad, but Chester still earned more than you.

At your birthday party, everybody asked you when Chester was arriving because Chester, for the last two decades, has been not just man, he has been the man. Your girlfriend even left you for him and you know that deep down, your mum wishes that he was her son and not you.

Except recently, things haven’t been going so smoothly for Chester. Awkward silences met the last few jokes he told. When you drove past him today his car was broken down on the roadside and what’s more his breakdown cover had just expired.

His girlfriend, the one that left you for him, has secretly told you that he’s a bit of an idiot and for a while now the general consensus has been that things are falling apart for him. What makes you really happy is that Chester can’t quite figure out why everything has gone wrong so quickly.

Being a Man, Chester wants to keep a United front and does not like to admit that the sun does not seem to be shining on him anymore. But it doesn’t matter; everybody knows it and what’s more, Chester’s fall has coincided with good fortune for everybody else. They all bask in the glory that poor Chester once enjoyed and until he gets things sorted out, Chester will scrape through life as if he is a Man down.

Chester should wear everybody’s taunts as a badge of honour. After all they only taunt him because they were once so envious. Chester could also sort himself out and make everybody remember just why they were so jealous of him to begin with. Deep down, everybody knows that if Chester roars back, he’ll be even better than before. are seeking new writers to join the team! If you’re passionate about football, drop us a line at “” to learn more.

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  • Jay Toulan says:

    What clever writing! This sentence is anagram-esque:

    ‘Being a Man, Chester wants to keep a United front’

    The writer has capitalised Man, Chester and United for reasons that should now be obvious! I wonder how many people realised the wordplay…

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