Having seen Peter Crouch, just a few short days ago, score what will surely be crowned the goal of the season, a thought crossed my mind… has there been a more consistent striker in England over the last decade to partner Wayne Rooney with the England team? The answer, to my mind, is no.
Peter Crouch looks like a comedy footballer. Let’s get that out the way early. He looks ungainly, he looks continuously disorientated, he looks like he’s been spun round ten times in the back garden at a BBQ and told to walk through a tyre maze. Many people discount Crouch because he looks like someone who’s on their first ice skating lesson. But when you think about how a man of 6 feet and 7 inches is able to have such sublime control of a football, especially when you consider just how far away it is from his head, then that just goes to show what a special talent he has been over the years, and perhaps how other strikers could have learned from his work ethic to improve.
And what a special talent he has been for so many clubs since 2001 – QPR, Liverpool, Tottenham Portsmouth, Norwich, Aston Villa, Southampton and now Stoke City. The man truly has been inside more clubs then Lindsay Lohan on an average post ‘Mean Girls’ weekend. But each have seen special moments from ‘Crouchie’, for Spurs he will always be remembered for that goal in the San Siro, for Liverpool a selection of incredible overhead kicks, as a partnership with Jermaine Defoe at Pompey, and now for what will surely be crowned the goal of the season at Stoke. Maybe it’s because his size has been much maligned by supporters at times, or the changing face of the game to this fluid 4-3-3 formation that everyone seems to adopt (but seldom few manage to do right), that Crouch seems to have been discarded quicker than a Christmas Party hat post-dinner everywhere he’s been.
Let’s look at his record – at Liverpool he scored just under 1 in 4, at Tottenham 1 in 6, for Portsmouth 1 in 3.5 and now for Stoke 1 in 3. Now, it could be argued that these are not ‘prolific’ figures, but he has often played as second striker or target man for these teams – so if you compare his record with similar players (Emile Heskey, Kevin Davies, Carlton Cole) then his record becomes even more impressive. And the calibre of those goals, much like that against Man City, were very special and came at vital times. And his England record compared to those players isn’t too shabby either – 1 in 1.9 games, with none more memorable than his hair-pulling belter against Trinidad and Tobago back in 2006.
And there’s one thing extra that Crouch has above many others – personality. We live in an age when footballers, as personalities, are rubbish. We see Mario Balotelli, a petulant, aggressive, sulky, irksome individual lauded for his individuality – so desperate are we to have someone to hang on to as footballers throw out one ‘we just done what the gaffer said’ after another, with a blank glaze like a husband taken to the opera by the umpteenth time by his wife. Crouch has bucked that trend and always had a joke, always been able to impress himself on the camera, and on spectators in the stands. Perhaps it is his size, perhaps it’s because he brought the robot back for a brief moment of optimism in 2006, or perhaps playing with Steven Gerrard for years makes anyone seem interesting as a persona by comparison. Whatever the reason, I like Peter Crouch. He’s never played for my club, and has even played for Tottenham who are seldom liked by the neutral, but I like him.
So Peter Crouch, I salute you…. whatever club you would have moved to by time this article is published.
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