This list is by no means exhaustive.

Referring to penalties as a lottery
The lottery is a game where you simply pop into your newsagent, pick a few numbers and purchase a ticket. It is an act completely devoid of any skill or composure. Funnily enough, skill and composure are exactly the attributes one would need in order to bury a penalty. I would like to see how many people would fair when they are thrown into a shoot-out that could make or break a team’s season, with a ‘keeper trying to put them off and a goal that seems like it’s miles away with the added pressure that half the stadium are willing you to miss.

Fans who leave before 90 minutes is up
When I was younger, I had a season ticket with my local team (Watford). I grew accustomed to sitting next to the same people every week. An older man would sometimes talk to me at half-time and complain that in all his 20 years of coming to Vicarage Road, he never once witnessed a truly extraordinary game despite never leaving early. Then, a few games before the Championship season ended in the 2005/06, in a game Watford had to win, he left in the 75th minute with the scores locked level. Inevitably, Watford managed to clinch a late winner in one of the stand out games of the season, one that many see as the one that secured their play-off place. I was there to see it, he was not. A few extra minutes never hurt anyone.

Fans who think their club can do no wrong
I don’t want to pick on Liverpool fans here but last season, after Manchester United beat them 2-1 at Old Trafford, Patrice Evra began to celebrate right in front of Luis Suarez. Despite Suarez being found guilty of racial abuse towards Evra, it seemed as if Liverpool fans were more enraged that the full-back had the cheek to celebrate a moral victory in front of the man who had caused him so much pain. Is that worse than being racist? You can’t defend the indefensible.

Hippocratic footballers/managers who take the moral high ground after committing a worse crime than the one they are complaining about
It’s like a paedophile refusing to read The News of the World after the phone-hacking scandal. Joey Barton is particularly bad for this (no not child molesting!). He’s a player that uses Twitter to complain about how everybody is out to get him and, for instance, that diving is wrong. Then in his next game he will punch an opponent in the face and try to justify that by taking the moral high ground. Shocking.

When a player who is fresh from breaking somebody’s legs says that he’s ‘not that type of player’
My mum got a ticket for speeding once. She chose to appeal it, claiming that she’s ‘just not that type of driver’. In her defence, she is a pretty handy with her car but the point is that she committed an offence and she had to serve her punishment. Equally, when a player almost ends somebody’s career and claims that they are ‘not that type of player’, it still means that the offender has a punishment to serve. The manager and the fans will be the ones to judge if you are ‘that type of player’ and in the mean time you just sit in the corner and think about what you did.

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