Just like a one night-stand the World Cup comes once in a very long while and as exciting as it was, you don’t actually know if the event was actually any good.
So back we go to our home comfort; the Premier League. The Premiership is as greeting as our own family and having grown up with it we know the teams as well as (or probably better than) our own families.
Picture the league as a family wedding: who is sitting at the bottom looking glum? Who has made a fool out of themselves? Who are the last two left standing?
I’ve made a 2010/2011 Premiership guide that even girls can understand. Just start thinking about the Premier League teams as your family at a wedding…
ARSENAL: Your pretty cousin brother
A very good looking chap (shaadi.com material) he is pleasing on the eye, but he just seems a bit too girly at times.
Most likely to: look like the star of the show early on but leave early once the bigger boys get rowdy. This season, with captain Cesc Fabregas unhappy, Arsenal will do well to get in the top four.
Player to watch: Cesc Fabregas – can he still lead the team after spending the summer courting a move to Barcelona?
Star signing: Marouane Chamakh. Potential goal scoring machine?
ASTON VILLA: Your grumpy divorced uncle
Having come out of a big split recently, he won’t be the jolliest sheep in the herd but will try his best to convince everyone he is ok.
Most likely to: stand on the edge of the dance floor watching, being difficult with anyone that tries to make him dance. Villa won’t be as consistent without O’Neil but will still be in the top ten.
Player to watch: Ashley Young – if/when Milner leaves a lot more will be expected of a guy who shows flashes of brilliance.
Star signing: none.
BIRMINGHAM: Your excited little nephew
He is young, energetic and cocky. He can be annoying when he is in your face but he is a good lad really.
Most likely to: try his best to mix it on the dance floor, especially as he is now older and cockier, but will eventually just shut up and get in his place. Birmingham could spring a few surprises but will do well to be in the top ten.
Player to watch: Ben Foster – the potential Englander number one was signed from Man Utd and now has the chance to shine.
Star signing: Nikola Zigic – at 6ft 9in he will make some sort of impact.
BLACKBURN: Your fat old granddad
Thinking he is still important because of something he did back in the day, he is still giving everyone a tough time.
Most likely to: happily sit in the middle the whole time, dishing some out to anyone in his path. Under manager Sam AllardyceSam Allardyce Blackburn will not struggle but will not get close to challenging for a European place.
Player to watch: Steven Nzonzi – big, powerful and surprisingly skilful, the central midfielder could be going places.
Star signing: Mame Diouf – on loan from Man Utd, the forward is very strong and quick
BLACKPOOL: Your tarty young cousin sister
Still so young and new to it all, she is still so bubbly and happy, but you know she is soon going to start getting f***** regularly.
Most likely to: get forced to sit right at the very bottom. Without hardly any Premiership experience Blackpool are 100% getting relegated.
Player to watch: Charlie Adams – the Scottish playmaker has a touch of class about him.
Star signing: Marlon Harewood – striker is the only player who was once a Premiership regular.
BOLTON: Your reformed ex jailbird cousin brother
Still looking as mean as ever, he is trying to get away from his brutish past, but he will inevitably go back to his old ways.
Most likely to: sit just off the bottom, not enough to be in the spotlight but enough to feel comfortable from trouble. Bolton have enough experience to survive easily.
Player to watch: Gary Cahill – watch him play well enough to get a move from the club by January
Star signing: Marcos Crosas – they signed the defender from Real Madrid!
CHELSEA: Your rich arrogant uncle
He has just come into money recently so he is still brash about his success, but you can’t deny it, the guy is doing well for himself.
Most likely to: stay on the dance floor until the very end throwing money at the DJ to keep the music going. Chelsea have a great squad already but can still splash cash if things go against them. They will be in the top two.
Player to watch: Michael Essien – the powerhouse midfielder just needs to stay fit to be a huge player for Chelsea.
Star signing: Yossi Benayoun – skilful Israeli could add a new dimension to them.
EVERTON: Your young cool aunty
She is always there, at any event and usually in the thick of the action. She may not be the star of the show but the party would not be the same without her.
Most likely to: be in and around the dance floor until it is just the big boys dancing.
Everton have a small but very able bunch of players. Without the injury crisis of last season they will be in the top eight.
Player to watch: Jack Rodwell – the young midfielder looks a complete footballer.
Star signing: Jermain Beckford – can he bring his goals from League One to the Premiership?
FULHAM: Your smart-ass little niece
Although quiet most of the time, now and again she will come up with something that will surprise everyone.
Most likely to: catch the odd person by surprise that does not pay her enough consideration but ultimately just sit back and watch the show. Fulham will struggle once a few injuries come into play.
Player to watch: Bobby Zamora – has he finally found his feet at this level?
Star signing: none.
LIVERPOOL: Your bitter old granny
She likes to remind everyone of her glorious past so much you wonder if she actually realises she is still alive.
Most likely to: sit close enough to the dance floor so that everyone can still see that she was once centre of the limelight. While Liverpool’s first team are all fit they will be contenders, once they get injured they will fall behind.
Player to watch: Fernando Torres – if he is fit will comeback to terrorise defences.
Star signing: Joe Cole – can he provide the cutting edge they have often lacked?
MAN CITY: Your spoiled older cousin sister
After years of being a nobody she has now found a rich husband to lavish her with so much money she does not know how to spend it.
Most likely to: awkwardly stay amongst the big boys, just to show off her expensive accessories if anything. The sheer quality of Man City will see them in and around the top four.
Player to watch: Carlos Tevez looked even better then he ever did at Man Utd, can he keep it up?
Star signing: Yaya Toure – world class midfielder will have a big part in City’s season.
MAN UTD: Your perfect older brother
Successful, smart and ever so popular, he is always there until the very end at every party, with all eyes focused on him.
Most likely to: hold the dance floor captivated, even if just to see when he bows out. Man Utd will be battling Chelsea for top spot, as usual.
Player to watch: Wayne Rooney – from an England favourite he will now get booed by most fans. Can he handle the pressure?
Star signing: Javier ‘Chicharito’ Hernandez – looks a Utd legend in the making.
NEWCASTLE: Your nice older sister
When she is not around, it does not feel the same. And you know when you go to her place, you are always in for a good time.
Most likely to: keep the party going, even if she is not the life of it. Newcastle’s fans will roar them to safety and will even cause a few upsets.
Player to watch: Andy Carroll – an old-school style centre forward, he will give any defender a tough time.
Star signing: Sol Campbell – very experienced defender, good leader, great signing.
STOKE: The overly jolly big young cousin
A boy in a mans body, he sometimes does not know or care about the effect he is having on others while he has his fun.
Most likely to: give everyone a few bumps and bruises but tire himself out and end up sitting out the last stretch. Stoke will be mid-table comfortably.
Player to watch: Ryan Shawcross – other then being a leg breaker he is also a very talented defender.
Star signing: Kenwyne Jones – tall, strong and good in the air, he is built for this team.
SUNDERLAND: Your boring little brother
He rarely looks like doing anything exciting, although everyone seems to expect him to burst into life one day.
Most likely to: perhaps venture on the dance floor just once, before settling down in the middle. Sunderland will again need to be carried by goals from Darren Bent to get near the top ten.
Player to watch: Lee Cattermole – a very competitive midfielder, his aggression in the middle makes a big difference to their game.
Star signing: Nedum Onuoha – the 23 year old from Man City just needs regular games to develop into a good defender.
TOTTENHAM: Your drunk father
You know that he is just staying up on the dance floor because is on a buzz, and you know that it could end at any minute.
Most likely to: ride out his high but immediately take a periphery role once it ends. Tottenham will struggle to match last season’s feats, especially with the added burden of Champions League football.
Player to watch: Luka Modric – he has the chance to show his world class ability on the biggest stage in Europe now.
Star signing: Sandro – who? A Brazilian. Enough said.
WEST BROM: The random family friend
Remember him? He was here the other day/year. Good company but we didn’t miss him too much when he went.
Most likely to: be very nice and pleasant but ultimately sit at the back because he does not belong here. West Brom will be fighting in the relegation battle.
Player to watch: Graham Dorrans – a Scottish midfielder with an eye for a goal.
Star signing: Boaz Myhill – ‘keeper who spent two very busy years in the Premiership with Hull City.
WEST HAM: Your rude boy little cousin brother
The East London attitude makes him think he is really tough, but when things get serious you can find him at the back somewhere.
Most likely to: try to keep up the pretence of being about something until he just gives up. West Ham, under new management and ownership, will be the same old strugglers.
Player to watch: Scott Parker – hugely influential dynamic midfielder, they would collapse without him.
Star signing: Pablo Barrera – exciting Mexican winger, will be hoping to inject some spice into the hammers attack.
WIGAN: Your sick mother
She has a slight headache, if that can count as sick. But she is there nonetheless and always sticks it out for as long as she can.
Most likely to: hang about at the back not looking too good. Wigan will be struggling until the very end, and may fail.
Player to watch: Charles N’Zogbia – looks like he may start living up to his potential.
Star signing: Mauro Boselli – Argentinian goal poacher has a good goal scoring record.
WOLVES: Your pregnant aunty
As big as she is, you know she should not really be here. There just to keep up appearances with the neighbours, can she hold out until the end?
Most likely to: look good for a while before going and sitting at the back, trying to stay until the very end. Wolves will do well to maintain their top flight status, but will need to play at their best to do so.
Player to watch: Kevin Doyle – looking genuine Premiership class, will have clubs knocking the door for him.
Star signing: Steven Fletcher – talented forward could add some technique to the vigour from the Wolves’ team.
Just like any family wedding the Premiership will at times have you going mad, getting upset, feeling angry, getting drunk, dancing, singing and even travelling around the country looking for obscure venues. So sit back, try not to chat up anyone in front of their family and enjoy the show.
PS – Below is my season predictions (made BEFORE the season started)!
1. MAN UTD
2. CHELSEA
3. MAN CITY
4. LIVERPOOL
5. ARSENAL
6. TOTTENHAM
7. EVERTON
8. ASTON VILLA
9. STOKE
10. BIRMINGHAM
11. FULHAM
12. BLACKBURN
13. SUNDERLAND
14. BOLTON
15. NEWCASTLE
16. WEST HAM
17. WIGAN
18. WOLVES
19. WEST BROM
20. BLACKPOOL